The blindfolded taste of lust-1

He had never told her how sometimes, when she would go out of town for a few days, he would spend entire nights watching porn, smoking joints and masturbating. He could stroke himself for hours on end. His heart would be racing as soon as she walked out the door with the thought of watching entire compilations he had stored on his computer of women taking load after load of cum on their tongue. Not actresses, but actual amateur housewives. This was what he liked. Somehow the taste and the smell of sex seemed truer in home videos, cum seemed to taste sharper, it seemed more real when it covered their faces, more erotic, more nasty when they would swallow. But what real meant, he wasn’t sure. The stoner and the hornier he would get, he would finally let what he knew all along would happen happen. Almost as though he was crossing a boarder, very secret this one: it would start by searching for videos of men cumming in their own mouths. He would stroke his cock to videos of men eating themselves (this he had done many times himself), a first threshold, but there was another one to cross. So he would do it. On xtube, he would search for “cum swallow”, “blowbang”, “cum eating” and find videos of men sucking other men, deepthroating cock, swallowing cum. But this was almost abstract, and how he couldn’t help himself but imagining that all that white cum tasted somehow pleasant, in the shallow sense of the word, though. And the desire to have a cock to himself would become so great, it was almost painful. He would slowly jerk off his lubed up penis, edging so it would ooze cum without actually ejaculating. He would cup his hand and collect the thick semen that dripped, then, while watching videos of men swallowing cum, he would take out his tongue and lick his hand clean. Or he would swing back his legs and aim his cock directly at his open mouth, like in the videos, and let it slowly drip. He would feel it in his mouth for a while, thinking of what it really was, though it never felt completely real, then he would swallow. This is how he knew of the lingering taste of cum in the back of the throat. He would repeat to himself: “I just ate a whole load of cum”, still tasting it, wanting to taste it for hours, wanting to drink so much more, to drink load after load like in those videos he was watching and with those thoughts, he’d bring himself over. Once he did cum, though, he felt not so much ashamed as ridiculous and he would delete his browser’s history, he would say to himself: “this was too far.” It would only take half an hour before he would be looking for the same videos all over again, and new ones. And through it all, there was this underlying dissatisfaction: how would it be to suck another man, another cock, feel it throb, pulse and shoot in his mouth? How would it be to swallow it?