Sex after birth

I returned to the doctor for the ever dreaded pap smear. It was totally painless. I told her I was afraid to have sex after birth. She said I would be OK physically and that I should consider doing it soon so that my mind didn’t start to make it worse than it really was. I understood what she meant and the painless pelvic exam decreased my anxiety. However, we still had to deal with the logistics of it. I didn’t want to. Even if I could muster up some desire when would this happen? Where would this happen? Even if I wasn’t going to tear any stitches anymore why did I feel so… raw? My skin was healed, but there was still so much going on down there. It felt like there was extra skin. I felt like my vagina was wide open. Like if I put in a tampon it would fall right back out. Would I ever be the same again?

We finally made it happen one night on the couch (co-sleepers do it in the… whatever room is free!). It was painless and that is all I remember. That is all I was concerned about. Even 14 months postpartum I still have little desire to have sex, but we have been actively trying to conceive since about 6 months postpartum so it happens on a regular basis. I am a Mama with her eye on the prize so I suck it up and make it happen. We are always trying to finish as fast as possible since Jack seems determined to be an only child. He has become an expert cock blocker. I don’t have much concern with the lighting, the position, the foreplay or the heat. For now the purpose of sex remains as a means to procreate and not just for the fun of it. It’s business and we are happy with that for now.