DIARY OF A TEENAGE MILKMAN

Most of the guys who spoke about girls and women who dated the “Yanks” were the type who couldn’t get a woman if they tried, a sad bunch, not a decent one amongst them. A bunch of arseholes and wankers if I’m honest. Lecherous d***ken oafs whose idea of a chat up line would be to stand in a local bar with a pint in one hand, grab a hold of the bulge in their jeans with the other and ask a passing lady if she’d like to suck their “doogie” a local slang name for a cock. I’m betting the success rate was pretty slim? Any woman who dismissed this request was obviously a “Hoor” or a lesbian! Such was their misplaced believe that they were all Errol Flynn re-incarnated. Thus Alison was labelled as a whore, she had an American boyfriend, ok, she’d had several American boyfriends who stayed overnight and several had answered the door to pay the bill for them more than once. Ok, so I’d thought she was no better than a whore, but I didn’t know her, she could have been a very nice person for all I knew? Pretty hard to defend her after what her mother had enticed me into doing that night but it still didn’t make them whores, not in my eyes which is what mattered to me.
I was in danger of talking myself out of the corner my b*****r had me in, on the one hand I had practically admitted to being with a woman who had a reputation, on the other hand she was also not known for her beauty, she obviously took her looks from her father whoever he was? I knew I’d much rather admit to the truth, Linda was what we called a fox, today she’s be a cougar or a Milf, ok a Gilf but she was certainly the more attractive option in my eyes. The truth was not an option, I wasn’t sixteen for another ten days, she was forty six, there would be only one word to label her with and I would never break her trust and saddle her with a record like that. Strange thing was that Alison was in her twenties, she was still older than me, but that didn’t seem to be a problem for Jake, he just wanted details. I decided I was over thinking the issue, get the story out of the way, swear him to secrecy and move on. I if I admitted it was Alison then I’d be in for a lifetime of jokes at my expense, if I told him the truth then that was even worse, if there was such a thing, I was stuffed no matter what story I told, the truth which I wasn’t ashamed of but which I knew would eventually leave a trail of gossip and rumours straight back to Linda’s door, I couldn’t put her through that regardless of how I came out of it.